Revising+Paragraphs

There are many areas to focus on when revising a paragraph. Does the topic sentence state the topic and the main (controlling) idea? Is there enough support, and are the supporting points organized in a logical, easy to follow manner?

We have done a bit of work on topic sentences, so now we will take a look at support. What are the supporting points? Do they develop the topic sentence? How are they organized? Is there a transition statement leading into each supporting point?

We are going to look at a paragraph together to determine what the support is and how it is organized.

The poverty level of many people in our country continues to rise day after day for several reasons. Today in California the cost of living is out of control and out of reach to a majority of this state’s population. A high demand on oil has reached an all-time high and leaves our society’s wallets empty. Medical insurance is something that everyone needs to survive. This is not cheap either, and it is a strain on the people who pay out of pocket for care. The situation is even worse for those who can’t buy health insurance. They have to suffer with their symptoms when they are sick. Many people work in low-paying jobs. These jobs pay a wage that is under what is needed to survive. Imagine someone working 40 hours a week at $10 per hour. The monthly wage would amount to $1600 before taxes. The rent on a one-bedroom apartment is very high. In some cities, a one-bedroom apartment costs $1200. The person making $10 per hour will have to get a second job to be able to afford transportation, food, and other living expenses. __Outline__ Follow the outline pattern to test the organization of this paragraph.

Topic Sentence: ___ I.
 * A.
 * B.

II. (etc.)


 * Question:** Is there a transitional phrase before each supporting point? If not, add them.

====Now, work with a partner and do the same thing for the following paragraph.1. Read the paragraph to determine its support.2. Organize the paragraph into an outline.3. Evaluate the use of transitions. If there are none, add them in front of each supporting point.====

Poverty is shown in many different ways. One of the most important issues in poverty is our low income schools. It’s sad to see those schools with low income families that do not have updated supplies and books to help these families’ education. The schools do not have computers or special after school programs to help the children in class work. Without all of these resources, the children do not have the advantage to succeed in schoolwork. The effect of not having these resources causes the children to get low scores, and less kids go to college. Parents are the first teacher in a child’s life. It is hard to be involved in their children’s school if they have to work a full time job or even two jobs to make ends meet. It is hard to be so involved in school when the parent is too busy working. This puts the child’s focus on something other than school. Poverty is a hard issue to face, but the schools should be fixed soon because the children are the future.